This is Zohar the Aloof, a wizard driven insane by centuries of exile. But he wasn't always like this. No. He was once the most powerful mage in the land, even better than Gandalf and Merlin and Dave Blaine put together!!! He would spend hours perfecting his tricks and spells, and even got to level 99 which, as everyone knows, is the highest level there is. He knew every trick in the book (the book that comes with Dave Blaines 'How to do magic' set), and revelled in letting everyone know about it. "I know every trick in the book" He would boast to the ladies. And some of these ladies, the stupid ones, or the ones who really liked his beard-for Zohar had a mighty beard- would actually sleep with him. But I digress...
Zohar had it all. He could lift cities with his Levitate spells. He could burn stuff up with his fire spell. He could lift stuff. He could Burn stuff. He could lift...the list is endless. But, one thing eluded him still. He could not control the 4th dimension. Time. If he could go back and forward in time as he wished, he would NEVER miss Columbo again.
Legends told of a rift in time at the edge of the world. People called it The Legendary Rift (it was once called Xacksarthos'Kilandansat but after several people choked to death on their own tongues, the name was changed). It was said that a person could go to any time in History - and even beyond, to the future - if they could traverse the immense tornado that obscured the Rift. It wasn't just a big tornado. It was REALLY big. It was called The Really Big Tornado. Zohar thought 'no problemo! I'll just burn it up with my spells' and set off to conquer Time itself...
Zohar did, indeed, 'burn it up'. He managed to force his way through that ancient storm and into the Legendary Rift. There was a Boss at the end but Zohar was so hard by this point that the boss actually took his own life. Anyway, Zohar flew into the rift. He flew like Neo-but so much cooler. He flew right into the pitch black void of the rift and suddenly was alone. No wind. No light. No sound. Silent darkness. And then he was falling. Like Bill and Ted but cooler. And instead of twenty questions, he listened to 'Some Where Over The Rainbow' about a hundred times on his mp3 player (well, the medievil fantasy world equivolent which resembles an old record player only REALLY small). And then...
BAM!
He was suddenly lying on hard, cold stone. Shelves full of huge, ancient books towered above him on either side and stretched off in a corridoor for as far as his eyes could see. It was gloomy - so that wasn't far. But it was far enough to see one of the most hideously depraved, evil, vomit inducing, terrible apparitions anyone has ever seen.
But I won't get into what happened next because if I described with any degree of accuracy the horrible thing Zohar the Aloof saw in the gloom of that coridoor, you would probably go insane. Needless to say, Zohar was reduced to the twisted creature you see above, and remains so to this day, trapped in that endless library with The Thing whose real name would turn your stomach.
Anyway, below is a picture of a friend I did at work.
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